The 5 C’s Series - Part 4 of 5: Consciously Connect
You may say that you already have very strong connections to friends, co-workers and family. This is great! However, we are being called to think about everyone, whether we like them or not.
Can you truly “Consciously Connect”; even with that irritating person you don’t really care for?
You have learned how to Catch yourself in the moment, establish a presence of Calm (remember “Calm begets Calm”), and can now maintain a headspace to Clarify what is happening in order to Choose the best response. With these under your belt, you can now “level up” your game to Consciously Connect with others.
It does not require more time to Consciously Connect, but it does require more mindful presence in the time that is available. It has very little to do with self-talk, will power, or self-discipline. Without connecting at a deep conscious level, these strategies go out the window when you get stressed, overwhelmed, or tired. It’s like getting stage fright and forgetting your lines even though you have them absolutely memorized! So, if it is not self-talk, will power, or self-discipline, then what is it and how do you do it?
Conscious Connecting occurs in that inner place of balance and stillness where you are free from the limbic brain’s reaction of fight, flight or freeze. All judgement about the other person dissolves. It helps to close the gap between ‘us’ and ‘them’. With training and practise, the rhythm of Catch, Calm, Clarify and Choose takes you automatically to this condition where you will Consciously Connect.
Peter Marks, from The Centre For Conscious Care describes Conscious Connecting in his 20 minute audio “Conscious Connecting (Claim Your Brain / Start Your Heart)”
In the book Conscious Care and Support for People with Autism & Other Developmental Disabilities; Balancing Body, Brain & Being, it describes the essential relationship between Consciously Connecting and B-FIT Mindfulness. Specifically:
Without thinking, we learn automatically go to that deeper, kinder humanistic principle instead of our own ego’s personal preference, likes and dislikes, or fears and fulfillments.
We learn that being kind also consistently enhances happiness in both sender and recipient as reported in article ‘Want to be Happier: Keep Your Focus’.
We learn that Conscious Connecting can be experienced within minutes, regardless of existing feelings like irritation or worry.
That Conscious Connecting is not dependent on personality traits
Achieved in part, by logical positive thoughtful intentions (not feelings), e.g. “may both of us experience calm right now”
Conscious Connecting is achieved through non-attachment/ahh-allowing, learned in B-FIT Mindfulness, to over-ride feelings of irritation, worry, indifference, etc
Remember hearing about the super power of mindfulness? You may have your own discipline of practise, or none at all. The Centre for Conscious Care has developed a simple way to help you increase mindful awareness called “B-FIT” Mindfulness. B-FIT stands for Body – Feelings, Images, Thoughts. B-FIT is a great, easy introduction to mindfulness for those of you who are new to mindfulness or this practise can be complimentary to your existing practise.
Whether you are new or seasoned, be assured, the more one delves into this B-FIT practise, the more brilliant it becomes! The intention is to give you a simple formula to remember and ‘keep you fit!” Mental health fitness is now critical, fighting back against stress, anxiety, worry. Believe it or not, to Consciously Connect increases happiness and contentment which actually affects your immune system. The more you strengthen your practise of B-FIT, the quicker you will be able to Catch, Calm, Clarify and Choose and Consciously Connect. A whole article can be dedicated to the value of developing a practise of mindfulness, but today, we can only give a taste and will take a deep dive at another time. Here is a link to one of the numerous B-FIT mindfulness sessions.
We are being called to our Humanity, to be kind and through service to others make our homes, neighbourhoods, and communities connected with a spirit of consciousness that will bring us to a realization that there is no “they”, only “us”.
Miss the first 3 "C's" of the 5 "C" Series?
Read them here:
The 5 "C" Series - Part 3 of 5: Catching your thoughts, reactions and behaviours
The 5 "C" Series - Part 2 of 5: Calm