Dr. Kate Hazlitt, ND of Good Earth Naturopathic Centre writes about the need to take a balanced approach by saying it like it is, "self compassion is not permission to self-sabotage”, in her recent Facebook post https://www.facebook.com/katehazlitt. She proceeds to write:
"Self-compassion doesn’t mean you give in to the cookie. Self-compassion is accepting the way you feel without judgment, and attuning to yourself the same way you would a child that is angry, sad or afraid. And watch how you unhook from the grip of the cookie. At the very least, you are more conscious to make a choice and take responsibility for how you are showing up for yourself in this exceptional time."
The balance between Important FOR you (your safety, health, being valued) and Important TO you (your likes, personal interests, comfort) are central to Person Centred Thinking practise. It is similar to thinking about the difference between what you absolutely need - important FOR you - and what you want - Important TO you. It seems these times are forcing us to reflect, evaluate and take a hard look at all the choices we make.
"There is no doubt that you are feeling fear, heaviness, pressure, stress, sadness - everything that is happening right now in our global family makes it difficult to be here.
It is not going to be an easy time. This time commands courage to remain still, relate to yourself with kindness AND to make wise choices. It takes courage not to act out in self destructive or harmful ways in the face of challenges. You undoubtedly will experience your coping mechanisms and adaptive patterns start to drive your reactions as a way to feel safe and in control by eating the cookies, watching netflix, hoarding food and toilet paper - all the shadow parts. The question to ask is “How do I want to be in the midst of this”.
This is an exceptional time, far from normal, and we have to be careful not to imprint behaviours that we don’t want to carry forward. Are you going to …. give into a behaviour that didn’t serve you before, or are you going to double down on self-care and find the courage to make a wise decision. The choice is yours. How do you want to be in the midst of this? "
The need for self-compassion is the ‘value’ in what is Important For us. The importance of good health and safety have never been clearer – keep distance, sanitize and avoid risk.
These times are calling for courage and determination not to give in, but to keep vigilant and continue healthy and safe patterns of life. No judgement; not just towards other people. Self-compassion is personal. Practise self-compassion by exercising patience, tolerance, acceptance, kindness and wisdom. All these virtues need to be embraced so you and others feel valued.
So, are the cookies Important TO you? If the answer is yes, it’s about finding balance, practicing moderation and making your choice.
Be strong, take care, and remember “Self compassion doesn’t mean you give in to [ALL] the cookie(s)”.